Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
last night I used snow as a chaser
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
