dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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