You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
