alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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