Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
