Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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