I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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