We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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