The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
