At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
