I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
