seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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