i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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