Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
