Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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