I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
