I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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