dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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