but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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