just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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