I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize