It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
