Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
