This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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