So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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