The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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