Your face is a jimmy john
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
