yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
