The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
