I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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