You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
