Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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