Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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