Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We are two peas in an std pod
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
