Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
