I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
