I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
