Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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