She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
