She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
