i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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