is wine microwaveable?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
