drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
