Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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