my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Girls should come with a carfax report
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
