well you can't waste a boner
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
