i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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