You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
