I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
