There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
