Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
