Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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