Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
