Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
