He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize