My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
bring money and cleavage
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
