if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
