One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
