Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
