How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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