the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
