I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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