The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
